The Boys Are Not Alright

Isolation, screens, and silence are wrecking a generation of young men and turning them weird

You’ve been hearing and reading a lot that young men are in crisis.

Our related experiences will likely shape our perspective on this, so here’s mine.

Background first: Young men face a widespread crisis characterized by falling behind in education and employment, increased mental health struggles including higher suicide rates, social isolation with fewer friends, and difficulties in dating. Root causes include the decline of stable father figures in homes, societal shifts, changing gender roles, and economic factors, leaving many young men feeling a lack of purpose and connection.

I’m Gen X, apparently that makes me old. So I’m just going to say it the old-fashioned way: straight. Back in my day, summer meant getting shoved out of the house. We played outside until dark. We swam, played ball, scraped our knees, fought, made up, and we met girls — face to face. You had to make friends in the flesh. No choice.

Today the motive might be the same. Parents want a break, but instead of shoving kids out the door, they shove them into their rooms. First it’s the iPad, then it’s Discord, Twitch, Roblox, Fortnite, Reddit, you name it. That becomes their “social life.” Except half the time it’s not even real people, just usernames and avatars.

And those digital rabbit holes are loaded with traps: far-right pipelines, incel forums, grooming spaces disguised as “edgy humor,” even bizarre subcultures like furries that thrive on isolation. A lonely kid can slide from gaming chat to extremist propaganda in a few clicks, and you won’t notice until it’s too late.

There is no single solution for this problem, but one is simple. Get your sons out of the house. Years ago, when researching colleges for my son, I very quickly noticed the college demographic was weighted more heavily towards women. There were more women going to college than men, and it doesn’t reflect the population. There is a reason for that. Women are more engaged with society at large. Less isolated. People meet in college. My own son met his longtime girlfriend at college as an undergrad.

If you want to save your sons, stop turning them weird. Stop handing them to the algorithm. Get them to rec centers. Make them get dirty. Force real friendships. Digital “friends” are no substitute for a crew you can actually touch, argue with, and laugh with in the real world.

Young men raised in isolation have trouble connecting with women. Some even hate women. So raise your kids better. Make sure they know they aren’t entitled because of the color of their skin. Tell them we all have to pull ourselves up by our bootstraps, right?

If you have young men and boys in your life, check on them. Ask how they’re doing and when they tell you they’re fine, ask, ‘how are you really doing?’ I think sometimes we think boys are so tough that they don’t need a helping hand or advice or to be checked on. But in reality, in these times, they need it more.